Is your group enjoying your company? Does this topic seem to interest everyone? Do you look bored as you listen to someone ramble about their weekend? Is it rude to look at your phone while you are speaking to someone?
If these are some of the questions that run through your mind and drive you insane as you manoeuvre yourself around the lobbies and halls filled with small talk (or social chit chats as we like to call them), learning to read and understand body language might unlock insightful answers.
Do You Look Like You Are Interested?
Put the phone away, straighten up your back, lean in, maintain eye contact with the person who is speaking and acknowledge what is being said with an occasional nod of understanding. A glass is a sensible way to keep your hands occupied as you network. However, if you have not been served any beverages at the time you start to your chit chat, avoid defensive or closed postures such as crossed arms or hands on your hips.
Fidgeting, wriggling the keys in your pocket, tapping your toes, fumbling with the strap of your bag or playing with the business cards you just got can all be distracting to everyone in your group. It may sound funny, but learning to stand still in a comfortable stance, albeit a nodding of your head does hold significant merit.
Do You Look Confident and Ready for a Conversation?
Again, I would start by asking you to put your phone away, in fact, I would remind you to detach any random ear bud that is hanging around. A person who is regularly glancing at his/ her phone seems preoccupied and someone with one ear bud on or a headset hanging loose comes across as only partially present. Needless to say, neither of these sorts of people look like they are open to have a conversation.
Chin up, look the world in the eye, smile, throw your shoulders back and meander through the crowds until you lock eyes with someone you would like to have a conversation with. Don’t hide behind your bag or jacket; hang your belongings to the side of your body so that you have direct and open access to introduce yourself, shake hands and greet someone as you wish.
Are the Others Interested in What You Are Saying?
If you are someone who took the plunge to carry out small talk after reading my previous article ‘How to Make Small Talk‘, you are probably still self conscious as you try to make friends and engage with people. It is only reasonable to then wonder whether the people in your little group are actually keen to listen as you speak or whether it is time for a change of topic.
Did you notice someone’s eyes darting to and fro in the room, is there suddenly more space between you and the others in the circle, did someone excuse themselves out just then or was that a yawn being stifled? All of these could indicate that people are losing interest in your small talk. A joke, a quick change of topics or posing an open ended question to someone in the circle could be creative ways out of this awkward situation.
What’s most important is to get out there and continue to make small talk. Staying indoors, wrapped up with a hot chocolate in your hand may sound a lot more inviting, but those invaluable connections can only be made by venturing out and pushing yourself. Day one may not go as well as you want it to, but you need to be at it. Unless you make small talk a regular feature in your life, it will remain a challenge. Here at Full of Etiquette we say ‘Let’s Make Etiquette Habitual’, similarly, let’s make small talk also habitual.
To support your quest of mastering the art of small talk, next time around, we will talk about useful tips to enter and exit conversational circles.
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