Napkin bunglers, here are the answers you need to use a napkin at a formal or semi formal dining table with poise rather than stuffing it!
01. How should it be spread out?
It should sit on your lap and not be tucked in to your neckline. Adjust it to a comfortable position on your lap so that is does not slide off and so that it can grab any crumbs or drippings off of soup spoons which are definitely not welcome on your clothes.
The outer edge should be an inch or so before your knees, allowing you to fold it up and dab your mouth if needed.
02. How should it be used?
It should not be crumpled and brought up to your face. Instead, bend down slightly, raise the outer edge of the napkin towards you and dab around your mouth. I would purposely avoid using the phrase ‘wipe around your mouth’, for it could lead to someone inadvertently rubbing more food on their faces or making a similar mess.
03. What should be done with it if you need to step out for a moment?
The napkin would occupy your seat while you are away. It need not be folded, it can be gathered off your lap and placed on the seat as you rise.
As described in a previous post, the cutlery would be set apart at 4pm and 8pm to symbolize that the meal is still ongoing.
04. What do you do once you complete the meal?
Do not be too hasty to extract it off your lap; instead, wait till it is time to leave. When you are certain, gather it in an orderly heap and place it where your plate would typically sit. If your plate has not been removed, place it on the side of the plate. Some people will say to pile it on to the plate, but we know what doing laundry is like and there is no need to make life worse for anyone.
If this answered some of your napkin problems or if you have more, do let us know at info@fullofetiquette.com and for everything else that you need to know before you get to a formal dining table, read our ‘Complete Guide to Dining Etiquette and Table Manners‘.
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