Say Hello to Strangers

Saying how do you do, breaking the ice or greeting a stranger; whatever you may want to call it, there seems to be quite a withdrawal even among the chatty people when it comes to talking to strangers. People fear being perceived as weird, too forward or as making advances. Others struggle with opening lines, not knowing how to carry on a conversation and some lack self confidence overall. If we are to live in this world with millions of other people, there will be uncountable occasions that we need to communicate with people that we do not know. Here are a few ways to get you off the mark – for the girls and guys who are actually trying to make advances, I would recommend that you follow the same tips, lest you would be considered creepy and creeping the other person out is no way to get to their hearts.

01.Keep it simple and straightforward

Don’t try to find fancy lines to start the conversation. If you want to talk to someone, walk up to them, get their attention politely with an Excuse Me or say something like ‘Hello, how are you doing today?’ and go on to talk about the event both of you are attending, or talk about something general like the weather, an important news you had heard of or mention your name and where you work/ where you live or what you represent. This gives the other person the impression that you are genuinely keen to have a casual conversation only.

02.Read body language

Apart from the verbal cues, carefully take note of the person’s body language to see whether s/he seems to want to slip away from the conversation. If the answers are brief, their eyes keep averting yours and they keep fiddling with their phone; it could mean that they are not comfortable having a conversation with you. In such a case, thank them for their time and excuse yourself out of the conversation without being a nuisance.

03.Avoid Eye Seduction

Keep your gaze straight and sincere, the conversation cannot remain general for long if your eyes are dancing and flirting throughout. This scares people away and unless your actual intention is to flirt, be conscious of what you could be communicating through your eyes. To the lads out there, believe me, the ladies are pros at reading through the dancing eyes.

04.Commenting and Complimenting

In your first or first few encounters with a person, keep your comments and opinions about the person to yourself. You could compliment the person for what s/he is wearing or for a fine selection of wine, but it should be limited to a single utterance and should not be dwelled on for long as it can make the person uncomfortable.

05.Show Respect

At all times, be respectful and maintain a suitable distance both physically and even in the conversation by not divulging too many personal details and not inquiring after too many personal factors. Respond amiably to any personal information that is offered. If you feel the other person is making advances to you or seems to have the impression that you are interested (when you are not), steer the conversation to clear grounds, iterate your stance for having decided to speak to him/ her by saying. ‘I often find it interesting to connect with people I have not met previously’ or ‘Even last week at a conference I spoke with someone on this topic, but s/he had a different view which was equally interesting’ or ‘I was rather bored as I do not know many people here and I hope you do not mind me having come and spoken to you’.

If you still have questions or struggle to strike a conversation, write to me at fullofetiquette@gmail.com (I hope you have no first time mailing struggles) and let’s figure out the other obstacles you face to making friends.

One thing is for sure – being natural, being yourself and keeping things simple are the best ways forward.

Photo by Kevin Butz on Unsplash