The Bystander Etiquette

Eons ago, when I was in university there were some lecturers who worked tirelessly to make us better people while toiling to give us technical skills. There were several who were super punctual and would unmercifully leave any latecomer outdoors to correct tardiness and ceremoniously allow one grand entry after ten or fifteen minutes. The most awkward feeling arose, not when the lecturer made a jab, but when almost the entire class spun their heads back to watch the not so regal march by a group of latecomers.

Many years down the road, just the other day, I was in a metro rail plying between two cities when I heard the smatterings of a spat. The exchange of words took place quite fast and one of the two parties proceeded to mind his own business. He was clearly a foreigner in the land, like myself. Very soon, the bystanders; in this case, the commuters started what seemed to be a post incident evaluation in local lingo.

It may have taken some practice at the time I was in university, but I have mastered the art of resisting the urge to spin my head and look at the latecomers who walk in, I have no interest in dwelling over what may or could or should have happened when I see or hear of an incident, I refrain from hovering around to pick bits and pieces of trivia of the occurrence and I most certainly don’t join a ramble that is spearheaded by bystanders. In short, when a glass shatters in a restaurant, I would only turn my attention to it if I feel that someone could be injured and that I could be of assistance, when there is an argument on the wayside, I don’t drop my pace to eavesdrop and when kid screams, I don’t give the parents a dirty look.

Basically, as by standers or passive actors in any episode in life, we can choose to let those in uncomfortable situations get through with it, minus any overbearing attention or we can decide to feature in the drama.

From the desk of Full of Etiquette, my plea, reminder and request to you is to be the former. Avoid featuring in the drama and snooping unless there is something you can do to help or solve the problem. In which case, join the incident quietly and get about helping without making a deal out of it.

Most often, there would be very little that we can do- in which case, stop the stares, quit the whispers, drop the eavesdropping and above all please spare your judgments. 

The world can do with kindness! As a bystander, being kind is not difficult – choose to be an etiquette conscious bystander!