Breaking the ice, conversing with someone unknown for the first time (or first few times), having small talk (which as I mentioned in my previous children’s etiquette article titled ‘Learning to Have Small Talk‘ is not another word for gossiping), minimising awkward silences and exiting conversations that no longer interest you, demand that you polish some social skills.
Recently, the questions of what should be discussed and how small talk should be started were posed to me. I went to my favourite answer of doing some research, being up to date on current affairs and having a few generic topics to talk about and of course, mentioned that asking open ended questions would help. While all of the above stand true, here are a few more thoughts on the matter and tips to gracefully exit conversations that are not exciting anymore.
Conversation Openers
01. A short and interesting introduction about yourself based on the group that is at the gathering or event. A standard official introduction with an exchange of business cards, if it is an official setting and a cheerful introduction of yourself with your name and how you are connected to the event would suffice at a social event.
02.Being funny in the introduction can help to make people connect faster, but as a rule of thumb, throw the joke on yourself and not the other person. We don’t want to offend anyone and their appetite for humour is unknown.
03.Let your body language indicate whether you want to have a long chat or you prefer a fleeting two minute conversation. If you seat yourself comfortably (with permission, of course), beckon for your drinks or starters to be served to you while you chat there, tuck your mobile phone away and you put all your other conversations to rest – you do show that you plan to hang around chatting.
Momentum Keepers
01.Once the introductions are out of the way and you have gone through the round of why you are at the event or how you know the host or those bare basics, start off with a pertinent issue or topic that is likely to be of interest to everyone. You need to pay attention to the other person to see what kind of view point or topic seems to interest him or her.
02.Talk about your interests and keep the conversation open for comments from the other end. If the other person is not particularly chatty, you would need to do a bulk of the work to keep the conversation going. Without being boastful or sounding self obsessed, speak about something that interests you, something that you experienced recently or something that you enjoy doing.
03.Give the conversation a new lease of life by looping someone into the circle. This could be someone who you know who walks by, a colleague or a friend who you think would be able to add value or has more in common with the person you are speaking with or someone random who looks left out of conversations. Do the introductions and say, we were talking about this topic, have you experienced it or did you read about it too?
Exit Creators
01.Don’t beat around the bush – if you need to be elsewhere, say so and get going. It would be polite to indicate during the conversation that you intend to leave at a specific time, so that the other person is not suddenly left high and dry.
02.If you need to be away for a short while or intend to return to speak to the person at some point or the other, excuse yourself. This is not a long apology, but a simple ‘Would you excuse me for a while please? It has been really interesting talking to you and I want to talk about this a bit more, I will catch you again soon’.
03.If the other person seems unlikely to stop and you can’t seem to tear yourself away from the chat, use a white lie. Say that you need to take a call, that you saw someone who you promised to speak to at the event, that you need to speak to the host about something or fiddle with your phone and say that you need to go home sooner than expected.
The long and short of it is that, your composure, the sincerity of your words and facial expressions, the politeness of your tone, the confidence in your body language (I mentioned some no nos in my article titled ‘Say Hello to Strangers‘, which might be useful to read again) and your chirpy outlook are what will make these new connections last. Use the tips here to steer the conversation, but always couple it with the real you! Avoid pretense and falsehoods at all costs. Go have great ,long convos and make new friends fast!
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